


Dazed and Confused

by SquirrelWinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean's POV; Sam/friendship; Cas/friendship;, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 07:52:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5408879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquirrelWinchester/pseuds/SquirrelWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has the Mark and Alex is the only one who can calm him down. Will she be able to tame the beast within him? <br/>This is entirely from Dean's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dazed and Confused

DAZED AND CONFUSED

I sit on my bed in a small motel room, my head resting on the headboard and I watch her sleep. She is on the bed next to mine; Sammy sleeps on the third bed on my other side. She is lying on her back, one arm next to her angel face, the other on her chest; the sheets are crumbled around her bare legs, the short pajamas hardly covering her perfect ass. Her long curly brown hair lies like a halo all around her face illuminated by a small ray of the morning sunshine. She is so peaceful, so beautiful, it almost hurts to watch her. Her chest moves rhythmically under her arm, and I pace my breathing to hers, just to feel some kind of a connection with her. Just to feel alive.   
I think about the first time we met her, a year ago. She was slicing two vampire heads with one move and I just stood there watching her, mesmerized by her beauty and by her strength. She looked me straight in the eyes with that uncanny ability to penetrate deep into my soul, and I think that I fell for her at that very moment. She was tough as nails, a better hunter than Sammy and I ever were, but still, she never lost that softness on her face. She would kill a monster with one swing and it would look like she was caressing it, singing it to sleep. We teamed up often after that, she even stayed in the bunker sometimes helping us on long hunts and researches, but she never gave her place up. She lived around 2 hours from the bunker and refused to move in, always joking that she would need a place to go back to, when we get tired of her. As if that could ever happen. Sammy and I depend on her more than she’ll ever know. Six months ago she came to the bunker to help Sammy when I went missing and turned into a demon. After they cured me, she stayed on, helping Sammy to get rid of this wretched thing on my arm, and she still hasn’t left. I dread the day she walks out of the bunker and leaves, no matter how temporary that might be. Every second she is out of my sight I find myself holding my breath, feeling an emptiness that no booze or women can fulfill. I love her and she will never know how much. 

She slightly stirs, bringing her arms above her head, slowly stretching, eyes still closed. The hem of her shirt moves up, revealing the skin above the waistband of her shorts and I gasp. How much do I want to feel her skin there, to kiss every inch of her, to worship her perfection. But I just slide down the bed and close my eyes, pretending that I’m still asleep. I feel her eyes on me and hear her low sigh as she rises, going to the bathroom. The door clicks behind her and I glue my eyes to the closed door, holding my breath, waiting for her to come back to the room, to come back to me. As if she knows, she returns quickly, coming straight to my bed, kissing my cheek tenderly, waking me up. “Dean, it’s time to go,” she whispers in my ear and I shiver.   
I open my eyes and she is right there, inches away from me and I take a deep breath, inhaling her scent, her warmness. She caresses my stubble and smiles. And then she moves on to Sammy and I whimper, feeling the loss of her closeness deep inside me. She kisses him too, and whispers gently until he is awake and my fists clench together involuntarily. I know she loves us both, cares about us both, but not in the way I would want her to love me, so I try to calm myself down and slowly rise out of bed. She turns around, sensing my tension and puts a hand on my arm soothingly, right on the mark. I take a deep breath as her warm touch relaxes me and smile. 

Only she can calm me down, only her touch helps when I lose my grip on the mark. I have nightmares, terrible nightmares and scream at night. She runs from her bedroom to mine, tiptoeing on her bare feet and slides next to me under the covers, presses her body against my back and caresses my face whispering “I’m here Dean, I’m here” while I gasp for air. When I calm down I turn towards her, and she wipes the sweat on my forehead away, smiles and puts my head on her chest, her fingers in my hair. I want to kiss her, touch her, I want to tell her how much I love her, but I’m too afraid that she’ll run away, taking my last comfort, the last piece of my soul away with her, so I just lay there in her arms and drift to sleep. In the morning she is gone, already in the kitchen making breakfast or in the library doing research with Sammy and she gives me the warmest smile as I come to find her and asks how I have slept. She never talks about the nightmares with Sammy. She never asks me what they are about. She never pushes for information, never pries. She is just there and offers herself, her comfort, her knowledge, her skills, her love, never asking for anything in return. Sammy thinks she is some kind of a god-sent gift to us and I couldn’t agree more. 

We drive back home from the motel after the hunt, Sammy in the front seat next to me, Alex in the back. She is lying down, her head on her duffle bag next to the door, her long legs up on the leather seats, barefoot. Her eyes are closed as she hums along with the music, her toes wriggling to the beat and I readjust my rearview mirror to watch her better. My eyes are more on her than on the road. After a while she falls asleep, her mouth slightly open and I find it hard to concentrate on the road. Sammy notices and whispers quietly:  
“Dean, why don’t you tell her. Why do you keep punishing yourself?”  
“I can’t Sammy, I just can’t. I don’t deserve her. She is too good for me. How can she love a man like me?”   
“Dean, she does love you. Can’t you see that? Why do you think she stays with us morons? She is better off by herself, but still, she is here.“  
“I know she loves us Sammy, but not in that way. And I’m afraid that if I tell her, she’ll run away. I couldn’t live with that, I wouldn’t survive that.”   
At that thought I clench the steering wheel tight and my knuckles turn white from the pressure. She stirs in the backseat and rises, notices my hands and puts an arm on my shoulder, kissing me lightly on the neck. My grip loosens at once and my whole body relaxes. She smiles and leans back on the seat, tossing her head back and closes her eyes again. I swear she reads my mind and knows exactly when I need her. Sammy just chuckles lowly in his throat, giving me the “See?” look.   
We make a short stop in a café to get some breakfast and coffee. All men’s heads turn in our direction as she strides in, wearing her jeans short and a plaid shirt knotted at her waist. She doesn’t care about their looks. She never showes any interest in men, although she gets plenty of attention where ever we go. We slide into a booth and she goes to the bathroom, swaying her hips, causing gasps whenever she passes someone. I watch her intently the whole time, never taking my eyes off the bathroom door. She walks out in five minutes and a man is already there, talking to her, smiling. I tense in my seat ready to jump and Sammy grabs my arm and pulls me down. She raises her eyes to meet mine from across the room and slightly, very slightly shakes her head, telling me to stay put. She smiles to the guy politely and nods in our direction. He looks very disappointed as she starts towards us. She slides next to me in the booth and puts her hand on my mark. I relax immediately. Sammy asks “what was that?” She smiles and looks at me when she answers.   
“He wanted to know if we could meet tonight. I told him that I’m just passing through with my boyfriend and he backed off. That’s it.” A small smile creeps on my lips and I turn my head away hiding the heat in my eyes from her words. We eat in silence; her thigh leaned to mine the whole time. When we rise to leave, I put my hand on the small of her back and she doesn’t mind. We walk past the man who was hitting on her and she senses my tension, hugs me around the waist and puts her hand in my back pocket. My body sings and I forget everything around me. As soon as we are out of there, she pulls her hand away and Sammy and she start giggling. My hand stings from the loss of contact and I walk after them, sadness washing all over me. She turns around and grabs my hand, pulling me between Sammy and her, throwing her arms around both of us and we walk to the car together, all laughing. 

It’s getting harder every day to hide my obsession. Every touch leaves me wanting for more; every look makes my need for her bigger. That night back at the bunker I have the worst nightmare yet. She is running away from me and the faster I run and the more I scream for her, the further away she drifts. I start screaming her name and I feel her beside me seconds later.   
“Shhh, shhh Dean, I’m here. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Shhh” she whispers slowly, her breath in my ear and I lose all my control. I just need her too much. I gasp and turn towards her, grabbing her face and pulling her lips to mine. I crush her mouth licking her lips with my tongue, begging her to let me in. She gasps and opens her mouth and I’m all over her, my tongue claiming her as mine, my hands gripping her tight and holding her close to me, so close that I feel like I could melt into her. She moans and puts her hands around my back, wrapping her legs around me, pushing me down on my back. Her lips break contact with mine and I yelp, but she continues kissing me down my neck and tugs at my shirt. I lift my arms up and she takes it off, at the same time pulling her tank top up and sliding it off, revealing her perfect breasts under it. I can’t believe that this is happening. I have dreamt about this for a year, and now, finally, she was here on top of me, surrounding me, and it hits me hard. I just can’t wait one more second to be buried inside her. I grab her waist and lift her up, laying her down on the bed on her back and I slide my boxers off, then her panties. I lay on top of her, my hips between her legs, breathing heavily. She moans in my mouth, spreading her legs wide, grinding her wetness against my rock hard cock. I slide a finger inside her and she grabs my length, going up and down it, circling her thumb on the head. I know I won’t last much longer, so I pull my fingers out of her and I line myself with her entrance.   
“Alex?” I whisper, waiting for her permission.   
“Oh Dean yes, now, please” she whimpers and I slide slowly inside, inch by inch, feeling like I’m entering heaven. She is so tight and wet and warm and I feel like I could cum right there and then. She gasps as I enter her fully and she lets out a long moan, my name leaving her lips. She wraps her legs around my waist, her arms around my back and she whispers “move.” I start moving. Every thrust feels like I’m entering a church, like coming home. I feel like I’m home buried deep inside her. The feeling is so strong that it pulls me with, and I start pounding hard, not being able to control myself anymore. She moans and screams, and I whisper “cum for me baby.” She grips me even tighter and let’s go, her pussy throbbing around my cock and I spill my seeds deep inside her, planting myself there, never wanting to leave again. We hold each other tight as we wait for our breathing to slow down and I look her in her eyes and whisper   
“I love you. Please stay with me.” She closes her eyes and a small tear escapes down her cheek. I have never seen her cry and I start panicking, dreading her response.   
“I love you Dean Winchester” she whispers and I relax, but then she continues. “It’s ok, don’t worry. You don’t have to say it. I’ll stay no matter what.”   
I look at her confused, panic coloring my voice. “You don’t believe me” I whisper.   
“No, no, I believe you Dean” she smiles and somehow I’m not really convinced, but she starts kissing me again, her hand going up and down my chest and my cock starts twitching, hardening. I take her in my arms and kiss her slowly, passionately, lovingly, hoping that she’ll feel my love. We make love again, slowly this time, relishing in each other, enjoying every moment. She comes moaning my name and I follow moaning hers. We fall asleep tightly intertwined, almost afraid that it was just a dream and that it will dispel as we wake up. In the morning she is still there in my arms, warm, sweet, her lips swollen from my kisses and I feel like I could fly. She opens her eyes, smiles and I throw myself at her, hungry, possessively. We stay in bed for the next few days, only leaving it to get some food or a drink, or to report to Sammy that we are still alive. He is so happy, that he doesn’t even mind being ignored by us.

After three days we finally leave the bedroom, and go about as usual, slowly returning to our routine and everything goes back to normal. But at nights she comes to my bed, our bed now, and we fuck roughly or make sweet love until dawn. I’m the happiest I have ever been in my life. Sammy walks around humming, hiding his smile every time we touch, and Alex, well she is just Alex. She has always been calm and sweet and warm and loving. But I sense that there is something wrong, something that escapes me, and I think that I can’t make her happy. Not as happy as she makes me anyway. My old fears come back and she notices it, she tries to hide it and shows me in every way possible that she is here for me. But I’m afraid. I wake up one night and watch her long as she sleeps beside me. I sneak out of bed and go to the library and pour myself a large glass of whiskey and sit in the dark. Sammy is suddenly there, sitting next to me. He sighs and asks:  
“What’s wrong Dean?”   
I can’t look him in the eye. I can’t confess that I’m not making her happy. I just drink and hide my eyes from him. He clears his throat:   
“Dean, a beautiful woman is lying naked in your bed, waiting for you, loving you. What are you doing here? Is it the mark?” he asks, concern edged around his eyes.   
“No, Sammy, it’s not the mark.” I whisper and as I look at him, something breaks inside me and tears start rolling down my cheeks. He looks at me terrified and I can’t hide it anymore. “I can’t make her happy Sammy. I can’t give her everything she needs, and there is nothing more in the world that I would like to do. And it breaks my heart. I don’t know what to do Sammy.”   
Sam relaxes beside me. “Dean you are a fool. She adores you. We talked a few days ago and she made me promise that I won’t tell you, but I just can’t stand aside and let you two idiots ruin our lives. Yes, our. I’m in this as much as you two. She thinks that it’s only because of the mark. That you only love her because you need her now. She thinks that once the mark is gone, you will regret it and she is terrified that she’ll lose us both because of it.”   
I look at him incredulously, not being able to frame a coherent sentence. “She what? Doesn’t she know that I have loved her from the first moment that I saw her? Long before the mark, long before it all? Why can’t she believe me Sammy?” I’m desperate, lost.   
“Just be there for her Dean, love her and show her how much you do. She’ll come around.”   
I jump up, pull my little brother close to me and I hug him. He hugs me back and smiles. “Thanks Sammy” I whisper and I ran towards my room, towards her. A low whimper catches my attention and I see her standing there by the door of the library, leaning against the wall, crying.   
“Alex, what’s wrong?” I ask panicking, taking her in my arms, my heart beating frantically. She throws her arms around me.   
“Nothing, nothing is wrong Dean. I’m just so happy. I thought that it was just the mark, but now I know. I know that you really love me. I woke up and you weren’t there, so I went to look for you and I heard you talking to Sammy,” she smiles a little embarrassed.   
“Oh, Alex, I’m so happy you did. And I do, I do love you more than life itself.” I crush my lips on hers, and she kisses me like she has never kissed me before. I lift her in my arms and carry her back to bed, back to our room and we make love like never before. She is finally totally relaxed, she gives herself completely, and I can’t believe it, but it’s even better than before. We come together and she whispers “I love you” and her eyes sparkle and I’m lost. I say “I love you Alex” and I’m home. 

Three years later, I still watch her sleep sometimes. We went through a lot in the last three years. The mark is gone, and I’m me again. Sammy has a girl now too, we all live together in the bunker. They are very happy and very much in love and everything is perfect and I can’t believe my luck. I’m living my happily ever after with the most beautiful woman in the world. She stirs in my arms and slowly opens her eyes, still able to sense everything that I’m feeling and she looks at me surprised.   
“Dean, what’s wrong?” she asks sleepily.   
“Nothing my love, nothing. Sleep” I whisper, and she kisses me passionately, with as much fervor as that first time.   
“I wouldn’t believe it possible, but I love you more and more every day. Do you know that?” I whisper in her ear.   
She grins “I know. It’s like your heart swells and gets bigger. I know Dean. I do too”.   
We start making love and I lose myself in her again. This is it. This is my personal heaven.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I hoped you enjoyed it! Write me if you liked it, I would be happy to post more.


End file.
